Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Bedroom Gruntometer

Yesterday I blogged about tennis fashion. As I love the sport, I have written a few short stories in that context. Here is a short drabble to share with you.

*** (Warning for frequent coarse language)

Two men sitting in front of William were chatting in low voices.

“How come Caroline grunts so loud when she plays, but Elizabeth utters not a sound?”

“Don’t you read the magazines? They called Caroline 'The Bedroom Gruntometer'. They said she would probably be the most responsive woman to fuck in the British tennis circuit and that she would give you not just sexual but decibel satisfactions.”

“I’d love to have her give me a blowjob! With her constant grunting, her mouth and throat muscles must be very well exercised!”

Both men burst out laughing. Darcy rolled his eyes. There is no accounting for taste! I wouldn’t sleep with Caroline if she gives me five blowjobs a night. The woman is mean and mercenary!

He turned to look at Jane and Charles. Neither of them seemed to flinch at the crude remarks. They kept up their happy chatter and watched their siblings competing for the title of the British Woman Tennis Champion.

“And the magazines said Caroline was fucking William Darcy. You know, that IT magnate with more money to burn.”

“What does this William have that I don’t? I don’t understand why all these beautiful women from all over the world are so crazy about him. It is all money talk.”

“But the gossip magazines said Caroline’s family had money too. Maybe this William does have some talents in the bedroom.” Both men burst out laughing again.

Get real, men! Caroline started the rumour herself. I am not even dating her.
Willaim turned to look at Jane again. I hope she won’t repeat this to Elizabeth. Maybe that’s why Elizabeth refused to go out with me twice.

“But Elizabeth has the most perfect tits I’ve ever seen.” The man sitting in front said.

“Yeah, I read in the magazines that she has 36D. It’s a pity she dresses so conservatively on court, not even a glimpse of cleavage. Imagine her wearing a tube top with the gorgeous breasts glittering with sweat shaking up and down when she runs around the court.”

“Oh, fucking her tits will be fun!”

Shut up your dirty mouths, men! Or I will smash your heads. Despite his angry reaction toward the two men, he couldn’t agree more with them. Elizabeth did have the most perfect breasts. He was lucky to have seen more of the chest than was ever on display when she played on court.

He remembered the Bennet family gathering that Charles took him to. Elizabeth wore a pretty yellow sundress with spaghetti straps. Her breasts were heavenly crafted! He started a series of erotic dreams about her that night.

He then went beyond just lusting after her once he knew her better. She was warm, friendly, loyal and witty. She wouldn’t fawn over him, even if he had more money to burn. In fact he didn’t understand why she would flirt and challenge him every chance she had, but refused to go out with him. She was driving him nuts!

Suddenly, a round of applause broke out and woke William from his thoughts. Elizabeth won over Caroline! He was sorry he didn’t pay attention to her victory point; but he was happy for her. Her eyes sparkled with happy tears and she had a blinding smile on her face. She waved to Jane and Bingley. To William’s surprise, she seemed to blow a kiss in his direction. Perhaps his chance was coming.


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