Friday, May 29, 2009

Billionaire Convicted!

I conducted a poll for "an odd job for Darcy for a day" a while ago. Ice cream taster won with 23% and I wrote a story to tie it in with a request by miaka_seichi. Her word is “handcuffed”. Happy reading here.

By the way, someone asked me what is a chicken sexer. The person's duty is to separate male and female chickens when they are born.

Billionaire Convicted!
- Modern (for adults only)

People around the world were outraged that convicted billionaire William Darcy was given an unbelievable light sentence, serving a day at Meryton charity co-op, the Ice Cream Vision.

“How difficult can it be to be an ice-cream taster? It’s a dream job.” A woman in London said.

“The rich brat must have bribed the fat judge at Meryton.” A man from New York claimed.

On April 1st, 2008, Darcy pleaded guilty at Meryton Court to a charge of reckless assault against his former friend George Wickham. Darcy was sentenced to one day community service.

Computer wizard kid Darcy was staying with his friend Charles Bingley at Netherfield Mansion, in the town of Meryton a year ago when the incident occurred. During a party hosted by Bingley, Wickham became drunk and verbally abused a local woman whose name was withheld from the public.

Darcy got involved in an altercation with Wickham about the woman, hitting Wickham on the face several times with an expensive pair of shoes, causing a black eye and a bloody nose on his victim.

The Berluti boots Rapieces Reprises looked extremely stylish with their innovative orange hue color. Sadly, they were an unwanted gift from Bingley’s sister Caroline, with an original price tag of $1,830. She claimed to have encrusted the pair of shoes with a million dollar diamond heart which was lost and never recovered during the brawl.

The photo of the billionaire handcuffed by the Meryton Police, clothes in disarray, was plastered on tabloids around the globe for several months. Today he will serve his sentence at Ice Cream Vision, an organization which produces and distributes ice cream for free to poor kids in the neighborhood.

The Meryton Weekly


“Now cut open the last ice cream tub lengthwise, what do you see?” The Quality Control manager for the day Elizabeth said.

Darcy did as he was told and replied with a dead pan expression. “Ice cream.”

“It’s a Marble Fudge!” She said in a raised voice. “The fudge should be evenly swirled throughout the container. If there is too much, not enough, or if it is not properly distributed, then the product is rejected.”

“Who would care about such a thing? Children get a Marble Fudge to eat, not to look at it.”

“We care about our quality, Mr. Darcy!” She now had her hands on her hips. “Now what’s your verdict?”

Continue to read the story here.


  1. Ha! Loved it. Very creative and witty. And the Chicken sexer? Lord knows that phrase/title stimulates thoughts that are far from the reality, eh? LOL

    The Old Silly from Free Spirit Blog

  2. Yep, Marv, is right, (For change, but let’s keep that between us..wink) This is clever. I can’t “do” clever…comes out as stilted and dumb. So, I especially appreciate those who have this talent.

    Best Regards, Galen.

  3. LOL, Marv is mostly wrong, Galen? It's good to know. And the sexer, what a job!

  4. Sounds like Goldilocks would have liked the Marble Fudge ice cream--not too swirled but just right!


    The Berlin Sex Diary of Lady Eve Marlowe

  5. Fun stuff -- I like the playfulness of it. I had a bit of trouble with the old-fashioned euphemisms ("manhood", "creamy mounds") in the midst of the modernist language of the rest of it.

  6. Haha Jina, you do know the essence of the story. K.A. Some readers commented about that before but I just don't like to use explicit modern words in my smut scenes, feel too naked to me.


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