Showing posts with label humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humour. Show all posts

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Condom recycling

Sorry to be misleading. I meant the recycling of jokes about the condom. This is an old post.

***
A teenager goes into a pharmacy. He's a little bit shy when talking to the pharmacist. "I'd like to buy some condoms," he says.
     The pharmacist asks him, "Have you ever bought condoms before son?"
     "Nope."
     "Well, this is how it works," the pharmacist says "We've got the three pack for when you are in high school. Friday, Saturday, Sunday.
     "Then we have a 7 pack when you are in college - Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.
     "Then we've got a 12 pack for when you are married. "January, February, …."




Monday, February 13, 2012

Condom recycling

Sorry to be misleading. I meant the recyling of jokes about condom. This appeared a year ago.

***
I collected the following a while ago. Pity I didn't note down the website so I can't toast to the writer. Anyway, I share it with you here now.

***

A teenager goes into a pharmacy. He's a little bit shy when talking to the pharmacist. "I'd like to buy some condoms" he says.

The pharmacists asks him, "Have you ever bought condoms before son?"

"Nope."

"Well, this is how it works," the pharacist says "We've got the three pack for when you are in high school. Friday, Saturday, Sunday.

"Then we have a 7 pack when you are in college - Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.

"Then we've got a 12 pack for when you are married. "January, February, …."

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Mr. Darcy Disco Dances

Jane Austen Today: Mr. Darcy Disco Dances: For those whose sensibilities are delicate and easily wounded, Mr. Darcy drops the F bomb in this comedy sketch:

The YouTube clip is very funny. Mr. Darcy isn't handsome but Lizzy and Caroline are true to the character.

Monday, June 14, 2010

World Cup + Jane Austen Fever


Tony from Jane Austen Today had an excellent post about a dream World Cup team from Jane Austen characters.

Edmund Bertram would have to be the goalkeeper. Steady, honest, idealistic. A safe pair of hands.

Captain Wentworth at centre back, no good in goal , tends to drop people, but a reliable defender of Britains shores.

Mr Knightley on the right of the midfield, wise, intelligent, great vision.

So who is going to be the star of Jane’s team? The centre forward, the superstar. Yes you’ve guessed right it’s Mr Fitzwilliam Darcy himself, goalscorer supreme. He never puts a foot wrong. The crowd will roar his name, “ DARCY! DARCY! DARCY!”


Read the full team list from Jane Austen Today here. Thanks Tony! Love your selection.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Mr. Darcy is shot!

Thanks to Jane Austen Today, I bring to you this hilarious clip of Mr. Darcy being shot.



I voted thumbs down because my beloved Darcy was killed and Lizzy was more like Lydia. But it's a good laugh.

Friday, March 19, 2010

British humour

Colin Firth, my favourite Mr. Darcy, won BAFTA's best actor award and his acceptance speech was quite funny. That's why I like British humour.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Post or pole dancing

I was watching a gardening program and the landscaper talked about the difference of post and pole.

I confess I've never paid attention to their differences before. One is cylindrical and one is rectangular.

Of course, he couldn't resist saying you can pole dance but not post dance.

From gardening to sexy dance, it's another inspiration for me. Or is it another kind of pole dancing like this?

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Pemberley - Time travel?



Another movie moments with Regency and modern eras link together. Very clever!

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Product testing - vibrators

I've written a fun story many months ago about product testing - with vibrators. Here is an excerpt to share with you:

The next day, when Elizabeth was led into the office of her new boss, she nearly had a heart attack. Surprisingly the 'impotent rich' man from last night was Fitzwilliam Darcy, her new boss!

Darcy raised his head to look at her. The moment he recognized her, he was all flustered as well. “Miss Bennet, are you not earning enough money from your day job? Or do you have very expensive habits? Why do you need to work at night in a stingy sex shop?”

Bloody arrogant ogling man with double standard! She tried to suppress her anger and replied, “It’s our family business.” Then she couldn’t help herself and added, “If it’s so stingy, why did you bother to come in?”

The red on his face turned deeper. “It’s for our new project.”

“Seven vibrators, four lubricants and 12 packs of condoms? What kind of project are we going to work on, Mr. Darcy?”

“Duress is asking us to design a brand new vibrator. Mrs. Reynolds was impressed by your interview. I have studied your portfolio. You suit my requirements.”

How do I suit you? And what are the lubricants and condoms for? she thought.

“First up, can you test all the vibrators there and give me a detailed report for each of them?” He pointed to a box on the coffee table to his right.

“Test them?”

“Not here.” He swallowed. “Go home, test them and fill out the evaluation forms. I will meet you in three days for a brainstorming session.”

She walked to the coffee table and had a look. “But there are more than 30 vibrators there! You can’t expect me to test them all by myself within three days.”

“You don’t need to actually… uhm… insert them !” He seemed to have lost his patience as well, “although I would prefer that you do. All the other designers are male. I don’t think they can help.”

Thursday, November 26, 2009

A Darcy Before I Die

Ok, I know Mr. Darcy is everywhere but a poem with such a title, how can I resist to watch it? The image was a bit boring but the poem was quite funny.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Stuck in the middle

Saw this bumper sticker the other day. I couldn't stop smiling about it.

Heaven will not have me.

Hell is afraid I will take over.


Got any funny saying to share here?

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Pride and Prejudice in Israel

Thanks to AustenBlog and How to Be Israeli I got to see the trailer of Pride and Prejudice tv series in Israel. Darcy and Lizzy's meeting was hilarious! I hope there will be DVD with English subtitles for sale.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Mr. Darcy's pick up lines

Are you familiar with the Australian tv show The Chaser? They mock everything and Jane Austen Today blog reported that they even tried to chat up girls using Mr. Darcy's lines and pretend to look like him.

Monday, May 25, 2009

To fit a camel

Another condom joke. Source unknown...

***

A grandfather is visiting his grandson at college. On the table he sees a box of condoms but he doesn't know what they are for. He decides to ask his grandson.

"Grandpa, those are condoms, they're rubber sacks that you use to keep your cigarettes dry" the boy says, too embarrassed to tell his grandfather what they really are.

The next day, the grandfather goes to a pharmacy. "I'd like a box of condoms" he says.

The pharmacist asks if he would like any particular kind. He replies "Big enough to fit a camel".

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Bra with a difference

This week I will blog about interesting read. Here is one about a new bra that boosts women's cleavage when they are aroused.

Slovenia-based Lisca lingerie's Smart Memory Bra alters its shape when the wearer's body temperature changes, pushing breasts closer together when a woman gets flushed after seeing someone attractive.

Designer Suzana Gorisek said: "As a woman's body changes, so the size of the bra changes. That's the advantage of this bra."

As soon as the wearer's temperature decreases the bra deflates.

And earlier this week, underwear firm Triumph International showed off their new bra offering, which boasted a ticking clock on the front.

The bra is designed for women who are looking for a husband, and the only way to stop the clock counting down is to slip an engagement ring into the mechanism.

When the jewellery is put in place, the clock halts and Felix Mendelssohn's 'The Wedding March' begins to play.


What if Elizabeth is wearing one of these when she meets William ...

Read the source article here. Courtesy of Lydia

Saturday, May 23, 2009

I'd like to buy some condoms...

I collected the following a while ago. Pity I didn't note down the website so I can't toast to the writer. Anyway, I share it with you here now.

***

A teenager goes into a pharmacy. He's a little bit shy when talking to the pharmacist. "I'd like to buy some condoms" he says.

The pharmacists asks him, "Have you ever bought condoms before son?"

"Nope."

"Well, this is how it works," the pharacist says "We've got the three pack for when you are in high school. Friday, Saturday, Sunday.

"Then we have a 7 pack when you are in college - Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.

"Then we've got a 12 pack for when you are married. "January, February, …."
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